She calls to share good news. I rejoice with her. Once the celebration dies down, she begins to talk about the rest of her day. Eventually she runs down and I tell her of a small triumph of my own.
Does she rejoice with me? Nope. She’s a Crusher.
I usually know better than to share my ideas or happy news with a Crusher. But today, lulled by the celebratory tone of the conversation, I slipped. And as a Crusher is prone to do, she tells me I'm doomed to have something go horribly wrong. Rest assured, she says, as if weaving a curse, something bad will happen soon.
We all need a Cheerleader type in our lives. We also need a Devil’s Advocate. When I’m trying to make a decision about what path to choose, I often meet with a person I know is a Cheerleader. I can be assured that they will greet my idea with enthusiasm and point out all its positive aspects. I also meet with a Devil’s Advocate - a person I know will curb enthusiasm and explore the idea’s potential negative aspects. But unlike a Crusher, a Devil’s Advocate will do so in a fair, considered way and leave me thoughtful rather than discouraged. And in the case of happy news, a Devil's Advocate will join the Cheerleader in rejoicing for me.
Both the Cheerleader and the Devil’s Advocate are valuable people to have in my life. They help me navigate the best route from one point in life to another with both enthusiasm and caution. Neither are Crushers.
I try to avoid Crushers. But most of us interact with them at some point in our lives because of accidents of birth/marriage/employment or simply because they have other redeeming qualities we value. So what do I do when I slip up and foolishly make myself the target of a Crusher's prophesy of doom by sharing new ideas, triumphs, hopes, and dreams? I try to change the subject. Fast. Then I give myself a mental pep talk, telling myself that I don’t anticipate any problems, but if problems arise I’ll deal with them then. Worrying in advance is a waste of time and energy.
I hope you have no Crushers in your life, but if you do, how do you deal with them?
Something that’s helping me write today: A pretty walk in the woods with two jolly beagles, an activity that's guaranteed to blow Crusher dust from the corners of my mind.
Does she rejoice with me? Nope. She’s a Crusher.
I usually know better than to share my ideas or happy news with a Crusher. But today, lulled by the celebratory tone of the conversation, I slipped. And as a Crusher is prone to do, she tells me I'm doomed to have something go horribly wrong. Rest assured, she says, as if weaving a curse, something bad will happen soon.
We all need a Cheerleader type in our lives. We also need a Devil’s Advocate. When I’m trying to make a decision about what path to choose, I often meet with a person I know is a Cheerleader. I can be assured that they will greet my idea with enthusiasm and point out all its positive aspects. I also meet with a Devil’s Advocate - a person I know will curb enthusiasm and explore the idea’s potential negative aspects. But unlike a Crusher, a Devil’s Advocate will do so in a fair, considered way and leave me thoughtful rather than discouraged. And in the case of happy news, a Devil's Advocate will join the Cheerleader in rejoicing for me.
Both the Cheerleader and the Devil’s Advocate are valuable people to have in my life. They help me navigate the best route from one point in life to another with both enthusiasm and caution. Neither are Crushers.
I try to avoid Crushers. But most of us interact with them at some point in our lives because of accidents of birth/marriage/employment or simply because they have other redeeming qualities we value. So what do I do when I slip up and foolishly make myself the target of a Crusher's prophesy of doom by sharing new ideas, triumphs, hopes, and dreams? I try to change the subject. Fast. Then I give myself a mental pep talk, telling myself that I don’t anticipate any problems, but if problems arise I’ll deal with them then. Worrying in advance is a waste of time and energy.
I hope you have no Crushers in your life, but if you do, how do you deal with them?
Something that’s helping me write today: A pretty walk in the woods with two jolly beagles, an activity that's guaranteed to blow Crusher dust from the corners of my mind.
10 comments:
Wendy S Marcus said...
(Picture me stading with pom poms.) Go Regina! G O Regina! (Picture a high kick and a herkie here.) I'd add front walkover into a split, but that would require a visit to my chiropractor! Crushers can only crush your spirit if you let them. They are unhappy people who live unhappy lives. Don't get sucked under!!!
Regina Richards said...
That's, Wendy. Waving pom poms for you, too!
Regina Richards said...
Of course, I meant "Thanks, Wendy". But in a way "That's Wendy" may have been a complimentary Freudian slip. You are definitely one of the most upbeat and encouraging people I've met on the web. Your blog Must Have Romance is always so wonderfully positive.
Wendy S Marcus said...
Thanks Regina....and I meant standing with pom poms, not stading. I'm not sure I know how to stade....or if it's even a word.
Regina Richards said...
Yesterday I woke up happy. The fatigue and congestion I'd been fighting for weeks was easing up, the weather was great, the kids were thriving, and I was ready to work, work, work.
Then early a.m. I got the Crusher call. But I ranted it out on this blog, started the day over, and good stuff happened. Listening to the radio news gave me a high concept idea and I ran home to outline it. I found happy news in my email and a nice check in my snail mail. Woo-hoo!
I was congratulating myself on a day well-lived despite the Crusher beginning while I went to pick my kid up at an event. I arrived and noticed a woman I hadn't seen in many years. When she asked me what was new in my life my mind ran over various subjects lightning quick - son got accepted to college of his choice, dog has cancer, daughter made the top 5 percent gradewise in her high school class, husband's high blood pressure means we probably won't get the life insurance we applied for, other son has taught himself piano in the past month and he's amazingly good, the dishwasher broke and by the time we determined the old one to be unfixable and replaced it we were out a grand, etc, etc.
Guessing this woman didn't want to listen to me drone on about my whole life or complain about the negative stuff I chose one happy item to share - my son's college scholarship.
Wrong choice. Crusher time.
Apparently my son faces certain death and/or crippling bodily injury if allowed to attend college on that scholarship. If I were a good mother I would keep him locked in his room and force him to attend college safely via the internet.
Sometimes you just gotta laugh.
Gina said...
I'm so fortunate. My only Crusher was my ex husband. Nope, my two main obstacles are my schedule (work, kids, classes, organizations) and organizing my...thoughts, writing, projects, apartment. Yep, I identify with the woman you mentioned in your previous post.
Thank you for sharing about the walk in the woods with the beagles...picturing all of you made me smile.
Regina Richards said...
Organizing...if when we depart this life we're allowed to instantaneously know the answers to all the secrets of the universe, the one I'll be looking for is, "Since I was never fond of shopping, how did all that junk keep appearing in my house?"
Wendy S Marcus said...
I've really enjoyed this post, Regina! As you can see, I've come back a few times to read the comments. I'm sorry you had a bad couple of days, but it made for an entertaining post for the rest of us! Way to turn a negative into a positive!
Regina Richards said...
Thanks, Wendy. In case you're wondering, I'm trying out a new template. I went from scary Hulk green to sedate blue. This is a compromise.
Anonymous said...
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it