I worked a temporary job this summer: long hours, good money, sent the oldest off to college without going into debt (Yay!). But the job left little time to write, keep house, or be the doting wife and mother my family is accustomed to. Consequently, the entire family was adamant that they wanted no permanent job in my future.
Cool by me!
So following some time spent digging out of the mess caused by the housekeeper/errand-runner/life-coach/woman-of-all-jobs being busy elsewhere, I'm finally back to writing. After being away from it a while, writing again feels a bit wobbly but still just as delicious.
But it's not honey unless it attracts flies...
I keep running into people who claim to heartily support my choice to stay home to cook and clean and write, but then shoot tiny guilt-inducing arrows at me for doing so.
Is it because in their minds writing isn't real work, that the words "writer" and "housewife" are really secret code for "woman on perpetual holiday"?
Is it because they see my joy and wish they felt that way about how they spend their days? Very possibly. But they chose their own path, so why begrudge me mine?
Is trying to understand their motivations even worthwhile? Regardless of the whys of their behavior, beyond asking them to stop loading their bows, I have no control over the arrows they choose to loose. What I do have control over is my vulnerability to those tiny guilt-dipped arrows. In the end, their poisoned barbs can only pierce what's already been weakened by my own insecurities. So I suppose I'll simply work on me.
Something that's helping me write today: This absolutely gorgeous September day and the knowledge that, generally, even if I had the power to alleviate another's unhappiness by giving up my own happiness, doing so wouldn't be healthy for either of us.
Cool by me!
So following some time spent digging out of the mess caused by the housekeeper/errand-runner/life-coach/woman-of-all-jobs being busy elsewhere, I'm finally back to writing. After being away from it a while, writing again feels a bit wobbly but still just as delicious.
But it's not honey unless it attracts flies...
I keep running into people who claim to heartily support my choice to stay home to cook and clean and write, but then shoot tiny guilt-inducing arrows at me for doing so.
Is it because in their minds writing isn't real work, that the words "writer" and "housewife" are really secret code for "woman on perpetual holiday"?
Is it because they see my joy and wish they felt that way about how they spend their days? Very possibly. But they chose their own path, so why begrudge me mine?
Is trying to understand their motivations even worthwhile? Regardless of the whys of their behavior, beyond asking them to stop loading their bows, I have no control over the arrows they choose to loose. What I do have control over is my vulnerability to those tiny guilt-dipped arrows. In the end, their poisoned barbs can only pierce what's already been weakened by my own insecurities. So I suppose I'll simply work on me.
Something that's helping me write today: This absolutely gorgeous September day and the knowledge that, generally, even if I had the power to alleviate another's unhappiness by giving up my own happiness, doing so wouldn't be healthy for either of us.
6 comments:
Wendy S Marcus said...
Hi Regina!
When I told my aunt I'd taken a year off from work to pursue my writing she said, "When you told me you were busy I thought you were working." Oh well. It's taken me a long time to realize my job does not define who I am. For years I have put everyone elses dreams ahead of my own. Now it's my turn!
Regina Richards said...
Sometimes it almost seems like you and I are living parallel lives, Wendy. :)
"...I thought you were working." That's definitely a poison arrow.
Jen FitzGerald said...
Oh, Regina, wife and mother and home maker (not housekeeper) are definitely worthy endeavors. And if you can pursue your dream in tandem with them, then YAY! for you.
Put on your armor, girl. The only opinions that matter are your husband's and possibly your kids'. Everyone elses' opinions in this matter matter not at all.
And for what it's worth...I envy you. :)
Regina Richards said...
Donning armor. Thanks for polishing it for me a bit with the words of encouragement Jen. :)
Jennifer Probst said...
Hi Regina,
I have been getting those darts my whole life, but it built up my character. When I was young, I told everyone I was going to be a writer. They patted me on the head and called it a nice hobby. Meant nothing to them unless i was published. Then when I got published, all I heard was "What about your next one?" They didn't understand it was about the work and the journey and that it was all important. Now, I am going part time to write more, and I am getting raised brows again. It doesn't bother me anymore. It's about us. Personally, I have said time and time again it was harder to stay home with my kids then go into the office - anyone who doesn't appreciate that taking care of kids and a home doesn't equal a job is crazy. They should be getting a CEO salary. Bottom line: don't worry about anyone else - it's just not important what they think It is your journey.
Regina Richards said...
Welcome Jennifer!
You're right. It is about us. Thanks for your words of encouragement.